The making of plans and dust ups.

Cat and Woo sat at the dinner table, mulling over the plans for Woo to house sit while Cat, Panda and the Ninja Kittens were in the land of the rising Sun. Kimmy-Koo the middle kitten was going to secure the premises and feed the grandchildren, Sooty and Copper while the travellers were away.



Woo had plans to spend days with her new Sultan of Pleasure, Waaaayne the Wonder Ram. 

“I am taking him to the land of our fathers” said Woo, “to meet my friends and help me liberate our father’s ashes from our step mother. She has been holding hostage in the wardrobe for nearly 10 years. I will set the captive free”, cried Woo with evangelical fervor.

“Hold on a minute,” spluttered and choked Cat, spraying tea and coughing cake over the blue peony tablecloth. “You cannot do that – it is probably illegal, she paid for the funeral and the cremation. Therefore, ipso facto, quid pro quo, ad infinitum she is the owner of said ashes”.

Woo stared hard at Cat and narrowed her eyes as she gathered her reply, “You don’t frighten me with your Latin, your logic or talk of legal precedence. After all the scattering of our mother’s ashes on the beach was an illegal act in itself. One you organised”, she pointed an accusing pinion towards Cat who almost cowered at the righteous indignation of the Woo.

Cat rebounded with “I was only complying with the wishes of our mother, which is totally different to hijacking my Dad’s ashes from the wardrobe of the rightful owner. It is THEFT. Any way you don’t know if my Dad wants to go with you and be liberated, you don’t have any moral authority to undertake the mission”.

“You don’t know that he was not my father as well. You have no proof that he was not my father too”.

“You cannot have two fathers,” purred Cat, who by now knew she was getting under Woo’s feathers. “Anyway how on earth do you think you are going to get away with hostage negotiation with Waaayne in tow? How will you establish proof of life, there have been no ransom demands”.

“We are not going to negotiate we are going to cleverly disguise a shoe box full of dolomite as Dad and swap him over. Wayne will distract her and I will nip in to the loo and swap the box”.

Cat looked at her a long time, flawed by the simplicity of the plan and the blatant stupidity of her sister. “You recall how long it took to empty out Mum’s ashes, just how long do you think you are going to hide in the toilet, empty Dad’s ashes out of the plastic box (not forgetting to take the screw driver to open it with) into a container and refill the ashes box with the dolomite? Just what sort of distraction do you think Waaaaayne will be able to pull off, it’s not like you can easily pull the wool over Dee’s eyes”.

Woo scowled and flounced her feathers, “Waaayne is a beautiful distraction, and he is fully supportive of my plan”. She sniffed, "I just want Dad’s ashes with us”.

“You could just ask when you go to dinner” said Cat. “If she says no then you can call on plan B. However, after 3 hours in the toilet and the evidentiary dust left behind, she may just twig to the deception”.

Woo collected her things, and prepared to leave. “I shall let you know how it goes”. With a defiant wave she declared, "I will liberate our father if it is the last thing I do”.

The door slammed shut. Cat stretched and unsheathed her claws, reached for the phone and dialed the number of their brother Bernie the Secret Koala Bear.

“Hi Bro,” said Cat “You need to talk with your sister Woo, she is on a mission to rescue Dad’s ashes from the Dee’s wardrobe”.

Bernie groaned and Cat could hear him furiously chewing on leaves, “OK. Understood, wilco. Roger, over and out, chocks away Blue Leader.”

Cat hissed to herself, and she felt very alone.

Later Cat confided in Panda “I wish I could get the same leaves as Bernie. I am sure the world would be better if I was completely paranoid and delusional.”

Panda gave her a long knowing look, and said “What makes you think you are not”.

He sat back rubbing his back on the wall and chewed on a stick of bamboo, “Hmmm grass is good, I love leaves, they are sooo pretty”, he gently hummed to himself.

Cat curled up and slept and dreamed of  temples, ninjas and Shintaro.